Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
