do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
