The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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