Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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