My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
