Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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