She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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