Barsexuality is the new black.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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