you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
