My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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