I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
