I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
