It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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