I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
