My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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