I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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