So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
