once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did i walk over a car last night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
