Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
