in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
