So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
