Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
