Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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