I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
