you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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