You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
