I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize