best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
