I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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