I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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