i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
