look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
