I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
