I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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