I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
