You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize