So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
