I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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