wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
