Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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