I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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