Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
