the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
smell my finger.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
