mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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