Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
