Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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