He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
