i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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