you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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