I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
