i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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