I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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