chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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