I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
