When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
