conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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