my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
