Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
