TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
