i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
