Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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