my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
