A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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