that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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