I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize