Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
