I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
