the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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