You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
