meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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