I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
